Pursuit
by Eden79
Summary: Jack finally gets his priorities straight. But is it too late for him and Sam?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

For as weak as Jack was, he exhibited surprising strength and dexterity when he instantly grabbed the hand that had been on his cheek. For a second he looked crazed. Sam realized it was fear.

"No, Sam. _No_. Under _no circumstances_ are you to go back there."

It was a moment before Sam responded; she had seen her CO enraged, determined, sarcastic. Never once had she seen him afraid - until this moment. "Sir, there's a very good chance the Shelnars have the other set of crystals. If I can convince Jornan to negotiate with them - "

"NO!" Jack said, mustering up all his strength to yell his reply. His grip on her hand tightened. "Sam, you don't understand! You don't know what's in his head. _You don't know_."

"Sir - "

"Jack," he insisted desperately, looking pained.

"Jack," she said softly.

"He's evil!" Jack started to look panicky. "I felt his emotions every time he looked at you. He'll hurt you if he gets half a chance. Please don't go!"

Tears welled up again in her eyes. She knew he was afraid - she could almost feel it. She briefly considered lying to him, telling him she would stay back. But that was futile, and she knew it. Jack would know she was lying. And even if he wouldn't have, she couldn't bring herself to tell him a lie. Even a merciful one.

"I know you're afraid, Jack," she said softly. "And I'm afraid too. But I'm even more afraid of something happening to you." She choked on a sob, resolutely meeting his eyes. "I can't lose you...can't."

"Sam." He pulled her down toward him until they were face to face. "_Please_." His eyes, filled with fever and pleading, were almost more than Sam could take. She leaned forward and put her arms around him, holding him gently so she wouldn't hurt him in his weakened state.

Jack nuzzled his face into her neck and relaxed somewhat. "Promise me you won't go."

Sam squeezed her eyes shut, tears running down her cheeks, and held him a bit tighter. She didn't respond.

"Sam."

Still no response. He pulled back from her and stared. "_Promise me you won't go._"


	2. Chapter 2

_**One Month Earlier:**_

"We're almost there," Jack whispered into her hair, as much to reassure himself as Sam. "Once we get through the clearing - "

Sam was barely conscious in his arms. "Leave me here, Sir," she rasped, coughing on blood. Her eyes were glazing over a little bit.

"Absolutely not." His voice was hard and clear despite the exertion.

"Sir. Please." She was begging him now. "I've lost too much blood. I won't make it - "

"Stop it." Jack fought to keep the panic from his voice. He could see Daniel up ahead, desperately trying to get the Stargate to engage. Teal'c, he knew, was behind them, keeping their pursuers back far enough so that they could escape.

Sam's head rested on his shoulder as she fought for what she thought would be her last words. "I don't want you to die because of me. Please. Jack." The effort too great, Sam closed her eyes and lapsed into unconsciousness.

Horrified that Sam was no longer moving, Jack somehow managed to run faster. _If you don't make it_, Jack thought, _I won't want to live anyway._

Meters ahead, the gate roared to life. Jack choked back a sob of relief. Dodging one final weapons blast from their pursuers, Jack threw himself and Sam through the event horizon, Teal'c and Daniel hot on his heels.

The swirling blue dissipated around him as the gateroom came into view.

"MEDIC!" Jack yelled as they emerged, terror making his voice sound nearly inhuman.

Medical personnel rushed forward and relieved him of his fading burden. In a daze, Jack allowed her to be taken from him. The whole event was in slow motion, disconcertingly surreal: Sam, pale except for some of the blood escaping her mouth, unresponsive. Teal'c and Daniel at either side, panting in exhaustion, but distinctly comforting. And Hammond, looking as horrified as Jack felt.

The cacophony of the gate disengaging, medics rushing Sam, and random people running everywhere snapped Jack from his reverie. Sam.

Jack found his feet when the medics were a few feet away with her, and Jack desperately took off after her. In one swift, fluid motion, Teal'c's strong arms reached out and held him back. Adrenaline was almost enough for Jack to break free - almost.

"O'Neill," Teal'c rumbled in Jack's ear. "Major Carter is in very capable hands now."

Jack pushed against him. "I know that. But I have to make sure she's okay. I lo- " And Jack snapped his mouth shut, shocked at his own near-admission. How could he have let that almost slip? Hadn't he had been suppressing it for years? Jack looked down, hoping Teal'c couldn't see his horror.

"I know, O'Neill," was all the Jaffa said.

* * *

Jack had managed something resembling composure when he, Daniel, Teal'c, and Hammond met with Janet later for an update on Sam's condition.

Janet was all business, but the softness in her eyes gave her away. "She's lost a lot of blood," she said. "I had to give her two transfusions. But the wounds weren't infected, and I was able to stitch her up pretty easily."

Janet glanced toward the corner of the room toward Sam's sleeping form. "She'll be fine, but she'll need to stay here a few days." She turned brown eyes on Jack, seeming to see right through him. "You're lucky you got to her when you did, Sir. One more minute and I don't think she would've made it."

Jack turned away from the others and closed his eyes.

Janet's voice continued. "She needs quiet right now. Only one visitor at a time, please. And no longer than ten or fifteen minutes."

Everyone but Jack silently left the room, singularly deciding who that first visitor should be. Jack leaned on the wall for support and focused on keeping himself from hyperventilating. He realized just how close he'd come to losing her, and it took his breath away. After several minutes, he felt calm enough to lift his eyes in Sam's direction. Taking a breath, Jack approached her bed to reassure himself that she was, indeed, alive.

She was sleeping, her pale face gentle and unguarded. Jack closed his eyes in relief, then opened them again. Not caring if anyone was watching or not, he lifted his hand and gently stroked her hair. Sam sighed softly and murmured something as she shifted on the bed.

His name.

Jack nearly choked. As he looked at Sam's sleeping form in the infirmary, he made a decision that had been a long time coming.

* * *

It was time to pursue Sam.

They had worked together for years. Saved each other's asses and the world more times than they could count. Underneath the professionalism and work ethic were the feelings they hid from each other. Or rather, made pitiful attempts to hide.

Going back to the horrible scene in his mind, watching the light fade from her eyes as she fell, a lifeless heap Jack had managed to cradle before she hit the ground -

He realized in that moment what he had always known but forced to the back of his mind. He had almost lost her. And she could've died without knowing how deep his feelings ran for her. Jack shuddered.

Enough was enough.

Life was too short. And he was getting older now. As proud as he was of his career and as much as he loved it, he was ready to move on. He wanted to come home to someone at night, wake up next to someone in the morning. Share the everyday trivialities of life with someone.

Not someone. Sam.

Pursuing women had always been easy, almost effortless. Having a relationship, on the other hand, was a different story. Actually having to show emotions. Ugh.

But he would do it. But for Sam, and Sam only.

So it was time to make some decisions.

* * *

It was time to move on.

They had worked together for years. Saved each other's asses and the world more times than they could count. Underneath the professionalism and work ethic were the feelings they hid from each other. Or rather, made pitiful attempts to hide.

On leave a few days after being discharged from the hospital, Sam looked around her silent kitchen and desperately wished she wasn't alone.

Enough is enough, Sam decided.

Life was too short. And she was getting older now. As proud as she was of her career, she wanted a life outside of work. A family. Someone to come home to at night, wake up to in the morning. Share the everyday trivialities of life with someone.

Tears sprang to Sam's eyes unbidden and she wiped them away despairingly. She knew she had to say goodbye to Jack. No, to the fantasy of the life she wanted with him. It was not going to happen, and the longer she held on, the more she held herself back from having a real relationship. Someone who loved her. Maybe a child.

A rush of emotion struck her hard in the chest as she realized she was letting go of the one thing she wanted most in the world. Not just the man. The idea of what could have been. Fresh tears assaulted her eyes as she sank to the floor of her kitchen that evening. The linoleum was cold and bare against her cheek, the last sensation she remembered before she completely fell apart.

For long minutes she forgot herself, reduced to only grief and despair as heavy sobs racked her body and stole her breath. It was not fair. It was so unfair.

Eventually the tears subsided, even though the pain didn't. She opened her eyes and realized she was lying in the middle of the kitchen floor. With almost superhuman effort, she hefted herself off the floor back to a standing position.. Finding a roll of paper towels nearby, she grabbed one and inelegantly blew her nose. Alongside the pain, a feeling of resolve was growing.

It was time to make some decisions.


	3. Chapter 3

_One week later:_

They would've let her stay home another few days and recuperate. They probably would've preferred it, she thought, smiling warmly about her worry-wart friends. But it was too quiet there. Nothing to do but think.

About him. Her smile faded.

And even though _he _would be there, she knew she would be able to distract herself with her work. And if she was creative, she could avoid him most of the time. Jack would notice, though. That thick-headedness of his was only an act.

And he would be pissed. Sam tried to ignore the pain that thought caused.

As she turned the corner, she saw _him_ at the end of the hallway and stopped dead in her tracks. He looked so good, and his face lit up when he saw her, stealing her breath. He lifted his hand up to wave as Sam spun on her heel and took off the way she came. But not before she saw surprise and confusion flicker across his face.

_Smooth, Sam._ She admonished herself. _Very smooth._

She took the scenic route to her lab, sighing in relief when she made it without another encounter. She unsuccessfully stifled a yawn. There was a lot of work to be done today and she made a mental note to get some coffee.

Sam suddenly cursed inwardly, remembering that she would have to attempt to prep Jack for the return visit to Gelna, affectionately named P37-462 by the SGC. So much for avoiding him, she thought dryly, entering her lab.

She stood by her decision to move on, but seeing Jack everyday was going to make it that much more difficult. Fresh pain bloomed in her chest, and that, coupled with the exhaustion, made the thought of facing the day damn near impossible. Maybe Daniel could prep Jack instead. He was the one who dealt more with the PR part of their missions anyway, right?

It was bad enough she was going to have to deal with the whole Jack "thing", but the visit to Gelna was going to be...interesting. The prelim visit had originally gone well with the people, a race who were about 100 years behind earth in terms of technology. This planet was of more interest to the SGC and Earth than many others, due to some preliminary mineral readings - large amounts of naquedah were believed to be in the planet's soil.

It was not too long after that they had discovered how precarious the planet's political situation was. Divided into two warring factions, civil war seemed imminent. The side they had originally made contact with, the Gelnans, were the keeper of the keepers of the Stargate. The Shelnars, the opposing faction, were cruel, barbaric people – if you believed what the Gelnan leadership said. Sam took that with a grain of salt.

At first contact, the Gelnans seemed to be a friendly people. Gelna's leader, Jornan, on the other hand, had proved to be somewhat of an oddball with some jackass thrown in for good measure. According to Tanjin, Jornan's assistant, they had never seen the Stargate activated before. So you would think, Sam thought dryly, that Jornan would be at least a little bit interested in the travelers who had appeared right after.

But no. Interestingly, he couldn't give a shit less. Until, that is, a week or so later when the SGC was surprisingly contacted to begin negotiations.

Full of arrogance and obsessive love for custom, Jornan was requiring a ceremony of some sort before he would even consider discussions for any sort of trade. And of course Col O'Neill would have to participate.

Jack had a habit of being an ass when confronted with anything remotely resembling bureaucracy. And she had the dubious honor of educating him about the Gelnans, if she couldn't get out of it.

Pushing the thought aside, Sam focused on running some simulations, when something caught her eye.

She swore she could hear the hallelujah chorus as she realized the Starbucks Fairy had heard her internal plea and left her a steaming cup of coffee on her lab table. She set her things down and picked up the cup, using both hands to warm herself. She closed both eyes and inhaled deeply. Mocha.

Where did this come from? She thought for a second that maybe Daniel and had been looking for her and left his coffee there by mistake. He liked prissy drinks.

But no, it was full and hadn't been drunk from. She held the cup up and looked at the paper sleeve. There were words on there, normally where the barista writes the drinkers name. She damn near dropped the cup when she read it.

_I remembered you liked these. Mocha, right? Jack._

What?

Sam read the words again.

Jack?

Surely not.

But it was his handwriting. Sam was confused. This was so out of character of him.

Warm fuzzies started to build up within her. _No_, she thought, trying to shake the thoughts from her mind. _I can't let myself think this way._ She forcefully slammed the cup down on her desk, the dark liquid splashing on her hands.

* * *

Sam sucked in her breath an hour later when she saw Jack approaching her in the hallway.

"Going to the conference room?" he asked, smiling at her. Jack didn't smile often. She was angry with herself when her heart fluttered. _Where else?_ she forced herself to think angrily, and stiffly nodded at him. He matched her step, walking a little bit closer to her than usual. Electricity shot through her when his hand gently cupped her elbow.

"Did you eat today?"

That was an unusual question. She blinked, trying to regain the train of thought his touch had derailed. "What?"

"Did you eat? You weren't in the cafeteria this morning, and...." He looked a little embarrassed. "I just wanted to make sure you'd been eating."

"Oh," was all she could say. She'd eaten at home so she wouldn't have to join the rest of SG1 in the cafeteria. She wanted to see Daniel and Teal'c, but the problem was Jack would be there. And she wanted to see him, too - which was the problem.

Jack's next words came out a little rushed. "It's just that you were hurt so badly - " did he just shudder a little? - "and this is your first day back and you look a little pale..."

Sam forced herself to come up with something a little more intelligent than monosyllabic words. "Yes, Sir," she said slowly, trying to keep her voice even. "I ate before I left home this morning."

"Oh," said Jack, since it was his turn to say it. "Well, good then."

Fortunately they reached the conference room by that time, ending Sam's torment and the awkwardness of the situation. Daniel, Teal'c, and Hammond were already there. Settling into their seats, Sam was grateful that Hammond wanted to get right to the point.

"Welcome back, Major Carter. What's the status of our situation with Gelna?"

"Well, Sir, the preliminary readings indicate Gelna could have a very rich supply a naquedah. If we can come to an agreement with them, we could very well get all the naquedah we want."

"Do we even know for sure that it's naquedah?" Jack asked.

"Not yet," She responded, yawning.

Daniel grinned at her. "Tired, Sam?"

"Sorry. I haven't had any caffeine this morning." She saw Jack's face fall out of the corner of her eye and cursed inwardly. She had poured the coffee down the sink and threw the cup away, not wanting to be reminded of him in any way.

Not that it had helped.

"Then why are we even discussing anything until we know for sure?" Jack snapped at her, his voice hard.

Sam flinched and continued hurriedly, shifting back to business. She gave Jack a you're-not-going-to-like-this look. "The caveat is that there's a ceremonial ritual - "

"Dammit," said Jack.

"- that you'll need to participate in before they even let us do any additional testing," Sam finished. "I think it entails -"

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Jack pushed back. "Wouldn't Daniel be a better choice for this kinda thing? I always seem to get myself into trouble when I do ceremonial stuff."

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed supportively.

"I have full confidence in your ability to complete the ceremony without causing an interplanetary incident." Hammond responded.

"Well, that makes one of us," Daniel muttered under his breath.

Sam hurried on. "Besides, Sir, as the leader of SG1 you're required to participate. Anyone else would be considered an insult."

Jack winced. "Fine. Whatever."

"You'd better start prepping now, Sir. We leave tomorrow, and Jornan is somewhat of an...oddball."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Carter, let's get started." He rose from his chair.

"Actually, Sir, I think Daniel is better suited for this than I am."

Two surprised pair of eyes turned in her direction. Daniel spoke first. "Sam, you spent most of the time with the people there -"

"But you've done more research," Sam countered, already high-tailing it from the room. "And I've got some simulations to run-"

"You sure Carter?" Jack said, his voice unreadable.

"Yes, sir. Daniel will do...."

And they lost the rest of her comment as Sam's voice faded down the hallway. She didn't see the bitter disappointment flicker briefly across Jack's face before he got himself under control.


	4. Chapter 4

Jack was never in the habit of getting the gateroom early before leaving for missions, but Sam was, so Jack arrived at the same time she usually did. Although playing dumb was his favorite thing ever, he was not a stupid man, and he knew when someone was trying to avoid him. But he couldn't figure out why.

There was no Sam in sight. She strode into the gateroom at the last possible minute, after Daniel and Teal'c had already arrived. She carefully avoided Jack's eyes.

He forced her hand and walked right up to her, borderline to invading her personal space.

"Hey, Carter." He stared her down, knowing his anger was evident in his voice.

Sam knew he was angry for ignoring him, and she knew he had no idea why, but she couldn't help herself. She managed to look up at him, inwardly flinching at the anger she knew she would find there.

So she was very surprised to see hurt there as well. Expertly disguised pain, hidden well, but not well enough to escape her notice. Then she hated herself for her treatment of him these past several days. "Good Morning, Sir."

For a few moments they just stared at each other. Jack finally opened his mouth to say something else, when the Gate roared to life.

"SG1, you have a go," boomed Hammond over the loudspeaker from the control room. Sam forced herself away from his gaze.

Arriving back on Gelna, they found themselves face to face with Jornan, the planet's leader, and a small contingent. Jornan was roughly middle aged, with brown hair and piercing green eyes that would've been lovely if not for the rage that shone in them.

"Jornan, old buddy!" Jack said jovially as the gate died out behind them. He walked forward to Jornan and did their culture's version of a handshake - he placed his left hand on Jornan's right shoulder and waited for him to do the same.

Jornan met Jack's gaze disdainfully and did not return the gesture. "Welcome," he said unwelcomingly. "We will be ready for the ceremony shortly." He spun on his heel and left, leaving Jack's outstretched arm hanging in midair.

Jack put his arm down and looked at Daniel with raised eyebrows. "Did I do it wrong?" he mouthed.

Daniel shook his head. He was a little disappointed that Jornan wasn't as responsive. This was the first time in his recent memory that Jack really paid attention to the customs and really tried to follow instructions to the letter. It was a shame that his first honest attempt was met with indifference, bordering on rudeness.

Jornan had left his assistant, Tanjin, standing there as well. After a brief, awkward silence, the little man cleared his throat. "I apologize for my lord. He is unwell today."

"Should we do this another time?" Jack asked hopefully.

"No, now is the appropriate time. Please follow me." He turned and headed down a long hallway, and SG1, after a few uncertain glances toward each other, followed him.

The hallway was dimly lit, with luxurious red carpet and portraits all along the wall. Sam, at the end of the group with Jack, squinted, and promptly tripped.

Her face was inelegantly on its way to an up-close and personal meeting with the floor when Jack pitched forward and caught her. The carpet absorbed the sound so well that Tanjin, Daniel, and Teal'c left them behind, oblivious.

"Sorry, Sir," Sam said, red-faced.

Jack chuckled. "No problem, Carter." He set her upright, his hand lingering a little too long around her waist. His other hand held hers.

Sam steadied herself and began to walk, and Jack kept hold of her hand. She looked over at him, surprised. He held her gaze, barely able to breathe. He searched the blue eyes he knew so well, looking for a hint of resistance. There was surprise there, and a little anxiety - probably about regs or some shit - but then she smiled. Jack was able to breathe again.

And then she dropped his hand. Jack knew when he was seeing an emotional wall go up - he was the resident expert on that. He stared her down. She looked away and hurried to catch up with the group. What was going on? Jack balled his hands into fists. It was preferable to channel the emotion that way.

Tanjin abruptly stopped and Teal'c nearly ran into him. Tanjin spun around, looked as surprised as Teal'c, and regained his composure. He gestured toward a grand doorway on the right. "This is the place of The Joining."

All down the hallway they had traveled, they looked at the portraits of various people. Most had been run-of-the-mill, uninteresting - except for the one across the hallway from the door into which they were about to enter. All eyes landed on the painting.

She was a stunningly beautiful woman. Long, dark, luxurious hair fell in gentle waves around her face. Large, deep brown eyes stared out at them, seeming to watch them. She was dressed in rich red robes, and her full mouth looked slightly sad.

"Who's the babe?" Jack asked without thinking.

The answer was a low, threatening snarl. The group spun around to see Jornan advancing quickly. He barreled up until he was mere inches from Jack's face. Jack held his ground.

"She," snarled Jornan, "is none of your concern."

But behind the intense anger, Jack saw intense pain, and he decided to drop the matter. He threw a reassuring glance to Sam, who had unconsciously geared up for a fight.

"My apologies," Jack said, pleasantly surprised at how diplomatic he sounded.

Jornan continued to stare for a moment longer, then spun and flounced into the door Tanjin had still been holding open. "On with The Joining," he growled, disappearing from sight and earshot.

"The Joining? It's called The _Joining_? Just what the hell kind of joining are we talking about here?" Jack was appalled. He threw Daniel a near-murderous look. The young archeologist had not mentioned anything about this.

Daniel held up his hands. "They wouldn't tell me much about the ceremony."

Tanjin opened the door and gestured for SG1 to enter. Jack felt his worst fears had been confirmed. Soft, gentle music played and candles were lit everywhere, similar to when Teal'c practiced Kel Noreem.

"See Jack?" Daniel said, slapping him on the back. "Nothing here for you to worry about. Look... There's romantic music and mood lighting all set up for when you join with Jornan." He couldn't quite finish that last sentence without laughing. Sam bit her lip and even Teal'c looked amused.

Jornan was standing by an altar at the back of the room, staring strangely at two crystals seated on top of it. They glimmered innocently in the soft light. Still somewhat horrified, Jack threw a backward glance at his friends and walked uncertainly to the other side of the altar.

Jornan picked up one of the crystals and held it thoughtfully. "These are very rare," he said softly, not looking at Jack. His eyes were almost reverent. "They have been in the Gelnan Royal Family for generations. I had another pair, but -" his expression hardened.

"No matter," he snapped at Jack, as if he had been the one to bring it up. He gestured for Jack to pick up the other crystal. "Now," he barked, and Jack gritted his teeth.

"Alright, fine. Let's get this party started."

Gingerly picking up the other crystal, Jack looked at Jornan, having no idea what the hell to do next. Jornan held the crystal out before him, and it started to softly glow a deep red. Astonished, Jack looked to his friends. Daniel gestured.

Jack held his crystal out to Jornan in the same manner, and it glowed a deep blue. Jornan smiled, his grin a tad creepy, and touched his crystal to Jack's.

Jack heard Sam gasp. An unexpected heat burst in his core and he was thrown off balance. Jornan didn't look surprised when Jack fell to the floor. In fact, if Jack didn't know better (and maybe he didn't know better) he could've sworn the man looked triumphant. A blast of light temporarily relieved Jack of his vision.

His last memory before losing consciousness was Sam softly cradling after she caught him.

* * *

Jack's next memory was of waking up in one of the opulent rooms in Jornan's house. He looked to his side and saw Sam in the chair next to the bed. She was curled up on the small chair, fast asleep, with a blanket drawn around her shoulders. Jack stopped trying to move and just took in the sight. He so rarely got the chance to just look at her.

He loved that face. Calm and unguarded in sleep, framed by blonde tendrils that looked damn near angelic. One rogue curl was threatening to cover her eyes. Jack resisted the urge to reach out and tuck it behind her ear.

The moment ended too soon when Sam stirred and opened two brilliant blue eyes. Surprised chased away the sleepiness when she saw he was awake. "Sir," she said, shaking the vestiges of sleep from her voice. "How are you feeling?"

He actually felt fine. "What the hell happened? How long was I out?"

"Two hours."

_"Two hours_?" he repeated disbelievingly.

"Something happened during The Joining. Looked like some sort of energy transfer, Sir. I can't quite explain it, but it didn't look like Jornan was surprised. Whatever it was, there's something he's not telling us."

"Well, that's peachy," Jack murmured.

"Are you feeling okay? You gave us quite a scare, Sir," Sam reached over with one slim hand and pressed it gently against his forehead. The gesture was surprisingly intimate, and Jack closed his eyes.

"I feel a little warm," Jack lied, hoping she'd keep her hand there. She did, and he noticed that it stayed a little longer than necessary. Before he could change his mind, Jack reached up and captured her hand in his. And before she could react, he brought it to his lips and kissed it gently.

Jack was pretty sure Sam had stopped breathing. Don't pull away, don't pull away, he willed, and she didn't. He was too afraid to look at her, so instead he closed his eyes. He repressed a smile of triumph when the hand he was holding began to gently stoke his hand back.

"Sir," Sam whispered.

"Shhhh... It's you and me here. I prefer 'Jack'."

"Sir - "

"Jack," he repeated, eyes still closed. When she hesitated, he opened his eyes. "Just say it," he whispered hoarsely. "Please. Just one time." He was not used to asking for things. He gave orders. But at this moment, he bordered on begging.

Sam held his gaze. "Jack," she said softly. Her free hand stroked his temple.

His breath caught when she looked at him with those baby blue eyes. There was something there, and he couldn't tear himself away from it. "Jack," she said softly. "I -"

There was a knock at the door and Jack cursed inwardly. Sam removed her hand and stepped back as if she'd been bitten.


	5. Chapter 5

Some Gelnan doctors had come in to see Jack, so Sam made an excuse and left. She could feel Jack's eyes trailing her as she left the room, and she resisted the urge to shiver.

Once in the hallway, she held the wall up for several minutes, trying to catch her breath. It was exilarating - and sometimes infuriating - the effect that man had on her! Her cheeks still felt hot. She closed her eyes and tried to center.

She could not give into this. She. Could. Not.

What the hell kind of game was he playing? Her resolve to move on was all but in tatters around her. Sam sighed. She should've known it was foolhardy anyway. Taking a deep breath, she willed herself to tuck her emotions away – and failed.

She was able to regain her composure - somewhat - and finally started trudging down the hall, her heart beat still elevated. She would've waited until the doctors left to see Jack again, but she didn't trust herself to keep it together.

It was just as well, because her mind was reeling with what just happened. She replayed it over and over in her mind as she walked down the hall. Daniel was in the Gelnan library, and she wanted some company. And maybe, if she was brave enough, she would broach the "Jack" subject with Daniel.

Thank God for Daniel. He was one of her best girlfriends!

Sam made a left turn into the library, but there was no Daniel in sight. This was a massive room, nearly as big as the public library at home. She walked into the stacks and listened for sneezing. Nothing.

Wait. Sam stood very still. Soft footsteps muffled by lush carpet approached her from behind. Sam smiled and turned around. "Daniel, I really need – "

But it was Jornan.

"Oh! Excuse me," Sam exclaimed, realizing how this must look. "I wasn't snooping. Really. I was looking for Dr. Jackson, and I thought he might be in here."

Jornan actually smiled, which was a surprise. And a bit disconcerting.

Sam backed up a couple steps.

Jornan walked forward a couple steps.

Sam frowned. Something was off, and she put her guard up. Trying to sound casual, she said "Have you seen Dr. Jackson?"

Silence. The creepy grin was really starting to freak her out. That fact that he wasn't talking – not one word – frightened her just a little. She went to brush past him.

Seemingly without warning, Jornan pulled her forward by her shoulders and tried to kiss her. She gasped in surprise, then nearly gagged when he tried to shove his tongue down her throat. Twisting her head away, she managed to wriggle out of his grasp. He stepped forward toward her again. Disgusted, she shoved him away.

Sam spun around to leave the room. She'd made it two or three steps when she was yanked violently backwards by her hair. A crushing pain in her wrist quickly followed. Sam cried out and looked at him in surprise. Using her hesitation to his advantage, Jornan twisted her wrist violently again, the angle so painful she fell to the floor to alleviate the pressure. Jornan giggled a little, sounding slightly maniacal.

He was much faster and stronger than she had expected. But Jornan underestimated her strength and training. When he knelt down over her, she kicked him in the head, feeling a sense of satisfaction when she heard him hit the floor several feet away.

Sam jumped to her feet at stepped swiftly from the room, rubbing the offended wrist. What the hell? Satisfaction gave way to dread. What was _this_ going to do for diplomatic relations? She wasn't wrong to defend herself, but they needed the naquedah.

This was getting complicated.

Sam hurried to find SG1, planning to discuss this with Hammond, or at least Daniel, when they were back on earth. She couldn't bring herself to discuss it with Jack.

* * *

Grief weighed heavily on Jack when they came back onworld. He trudged through the event horizon with his team, legs heavy and sluggish as tree trunks.

"Welcome back, SG1," Hammond said as he strode into the gateroom. He looked expectant. "How was the ceremony?"

He was looking at Jack, obviously expecting a report. Jack stared at the floor of the gateroom, oblivious to Hammond and the rest of the world. Jack's silence drew the stares of the rest of the team. He finally looked up when Hammond cleared his throat.

"Sorry, Sir," Jack said, the effort it took to speak was almost overwhelming. "Ceremony went well, everything's good."

Hammond furrowed his brow and looked to Sam for confirmation. She gave him a let's-talk-later look. He nodded.

"Are you okay, Son?" he asked Jack, genuine concern in his voice.

Again Jack dredged up the energy to speak. "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Sir."

For a full minute the gate room and its occupants were silent. Jack knew his friends were wondering what was wrong with him. He wondered that himself. The fog surrounding him made it too difficult to speak. I was almost too difficult to stand. He could feel Sam's eyes on him, and knowing that he was worrying her just made it worse.

After Sam promised Hammond a full report by the end of the day, SG1 was dismissed from the gate room. Jack left looking defeated. A hot shower was definitely in order.

The hot spray was comforting. He closed his eyes and lifted his face toward the water, letting it dance onto his scalp and trickle down his face. The agony in his chest welled up, and he disguised a sob as a cough, surprised that he was crying. Covering his face with both hands, Jack leaned against the unforgiving tile. Why was he crying? The grief was deep, palpable. It was almost as bad as when he had lost Charlie.

But this wasn't because of Charlie. He searched his mind, but couldn't pinpoint the source. There was nothing. He was full-on bawling now, body racking with silent sobs, tears indistinguishable from the shower. He stayed that was for several minutes, willing the spray to soothe the nameless ache in his soul.

If anything, he should be happy. He willed his mind to go back a few hours to that moment with Sam before the doctors came in. Reliving those moments seemed to soothe him somewhat. Though the heavy pain persisted, memories of h took the edge off.

Finally he was able to pull himself together. He stayed in the shower for several more minutes, though. No way in hell did he want to look like he'd been bawling.

It was time for beer. Lots of beer, Jack decided as he toweled off and dressed. Ruffling a hand through his still wet hair, he turned to his locker and grimaced. According to the mirror hanging on the inside, his eyes were still very red.

Sunglasses, he thought, quickly digging around his locker. To his horror, Sam walked in a moment later. He turned his back toward her, silently praying she wouldn't talk to him

No such luck.

"Hey, Sir," she said, trying to sound casual as she approached her own locker. She seemed oblivious until his murmured response.

"What?" She said.

"I said good_night_, Carter," he repeated brusquely

Sam stood very still. "Sir." He felt her eyes on him.

He didn't move. Sam hesitated for a moment, then played her trump card. "Jack."

He couldn't ignore her after that. There was no way around it, anyway. Jack turned slowly around.

He watched her face change from concern, to shock, to deeper concern as she processed what she was seeing. "Sir, is something -"

So they were back to "sir" now. Feelings hurt now, Jack snapped at her. "No, Carter. _Leave it alone_." He started to march past her.

But she grabbed his shoulder and spun him back around, forcing him to face her. Neither of them breathed. For a moment they just looked at each other - Jack horrified, Sam worried. After an uncomfortable silence, Sam leaned forward and gently put her arms around Jack, melting into him.

Any other time Jack would've pushed her away – whether he was pursuing her or not. It was too dangerous to risk being seen. But this evening, he needed this. So instead of resisting, he closed his eyes and allowed himself to be held. The darkness receded to peace, and he sighed in relief, exhausted.

He felt one of Sam's hands on the back of his head. She pulled his head into the side of her neck, and he went willingly, closing his eyes and nuzzling her neck gently. He almost smiled when he felt her shiver.

Time seemed to stop for those few moments, until Jack reluctantly came back to himself. This was dangerous territory – and not only for his sanity. Anyone could walk in and they'd be hosed. It took all of his will to pull away, but he did it. He tried to put bravado on his face. "What was that for?" he asked, hoping he sounded casual.

Sam held his eyes. "You looked like you needed it," she said very softly, an attractive blush rising in her cheeks. She reached up with her other hand and touched his cheek, then flinched in pain and pulled back.

"What's wrong?" he asked, immediately concerned. But she just gave him a shy smile and walked past him toward the showers, holding her wrist.

Jack stood there for a moment after she left, still able to feel her against him. Then he quickly found his sunglasses.


	6. Chapter 6

"What the hell?" Jack practically yelled in the conference room later that day. Sam looked down, tugging on her sleeve to hide the bruise Jornan had left. The brace covered part of it, at least.

"Jack, Sam is fine," Daniel began, using his calm voice.

"The hell she is! Where is he?" He looked around as if Jornan was possibly hiding out in the conference room. Then he turned on his heel and stalked out. Sam looked at Daniel helplessly, so he jumped up and followed him.

Mortified, Sam remained in her seat, suddenly finding the wood grain of table fascinating.

Realizing that he wasn't going to get his hands on Jornan that afternoon, Jack took an un-anticipated turn and managed to elude Daniel. The jig was up five minutes later, however, when Daniel discovered him in the cafeteria downing two bowls of red Jello.

Jack gave him a murderous look as Daniel sat down, reminiscent of a dog suspicous of having his food stolen. The two men looked at each other for a moment, Jack spooning Jello into his mouth at a furious pace. "What?" Jack finally said irritably, trying to form the word around the large amount of red goo in his mouth. Even though Jack would rather shoot himself than admit it, Daniel was one of his favorite people. Which was why Daniel's face remained intact. For the moment.

"I didn't get to finish what I was telling you."

"I don't wanna hear it," Jack replied immediately. "Jornan did it, I'll make him pay for it, end of story." He reached for the second bowl of Jello.

"_You _will?" Daniel replied, and Jack granted the jello a temporary reprieve from certain death as the spoon stopped halfway from his mouth. Daniel was no fool, especially when it came to reading people. And it didn't take a genius (though he was one) to see how Jack felt about Sam. It was as plain as the nose on your face.

Since Jack had ceased the manic pace of downing his Jello, Daniel knew he had his attention. "You really do want to hear this Jack. Eat your Jello and listen."

Resigned, Jack waved his hand for Daniel to get to the point. "You have until I'm done."

"I've been doing some research in Gelna's archives. I came across some information on The Joining that you need to know."

"Okay. What?"

"Apparently The Joining is not just symbolic."

Jack stopped eating again. "Carter pretty much figured something was up with that."

"It's an ancient method of blending emotions."

"_What_?"

"When two people participate in the ceremony, the point is to reach an understanding of the other person. The Gelnans feel that the best way to understand a person is to experience their emotions. So when you and Jornan participated in the ceremony, he got some of your emotions, and you got some of his."

"Are you serious?"

Daniel nodded. "It would certainly explain your increasingly anti-social behavior."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, come on Jack. You have been a little...hormonal...lately." Daniel didn't do a very good job of suppressing a grin.

"No I haven't."

"Yes you have."

"No. I. Haven't." Jack started to look a little dangerous.

"Okay, okay. Sorry."

Jack stood up from the table and lunged at Daniel. The two men fell to the floor, a jumble of flying fists and cuss words.

In the melee, neither one had noticed the other half of SG1 enter the cafeteria. Sam watched in horrified silence, her mouth hanging open. Teal'c was, well, Teal'c. Stoic as ever. He approached the chore as if it were no more emotionally charged than taking out the garbage. As the only one with enough balls to attempt to separate Jack from his opponent, Sam and the few others in the cafeteria gave him a wide berth.

Approaching the screeching ball that was the two men, Teal'c expertly disentangled them, throwing Jack over his shoulder like a rag doll. He spun on his heel and calmly headed toward the infirmary.


	7. Chapter 7

What is _wrong_ with me? Jack wondered two hours later as the sedative began to wear off. His emotions were so...disjointed. He remembered the argument, but didn't understand why he had been so angry.

Jack O'Neill was not one to be nervous. Ever. But he was now. He wiped a smear of red on his shirt. When Teal'c had hauled his ass to the infirmary, there was red all over it. At first Jack was horrified and thought he'd really hurt Daniel.

Turned out the damn ketchup bottle had been unfortunate enough to have landed in the middle of their altercation.

In his periphery, he saw Daniel sitting in the chair across from his bed. Jack closed his eyes. He felt terrible, unsure of where that rage had come from. He looked over at Daniel, and was a little disconcerted to see that Daniel had already been watching him.

Daniel was a bleeding heart, something Jack sometimes hated and sometimes was grateful for. Today he was grateful, because Daniel didn't look angry. Jack sighed. "Daniel."

"It's okay, Jack. It's not your fault."

He lifted his head and squinted at his forgiving friend. "How do you figure?"

"It's another side effect of The Joining ceremony," Daniel said as Hammond joined them. Hammond had been on the way to the cafeteria for lunch himself when he passed Teal'c in the hallway, staring straight ahead as he walked past. An irate Jack was thrown over his shoulder, screaming obscenities, ass in the air in a most undignified manner.

Lunch, at that point, had been forgotten.

Now that he had been filled in by Daniel, he was more worried than angry. "Just how dangerous is this person? And what does this mean for Col O'Neill?" he asked, wondering if this was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Based on what we do know," Daniel replied, "I'd say it could get worse. But we just don't know how much. Jack is still Jack, so his behavior is probably a watered-down version of what's typical for Jornan. We do know that Jornan is usually rude, impulsive, and crass."

Teal'c's disembodied voice floated from behind a nearby curtain. "Those are qualities O'Neill shares in abundance."

"But that impulsiveness comes in the form of making quick decisions in command, during very sticky situations," Daniel countered. "There isn't anything much stickier than a world on the brink of war. Also, Jack is very good at hiding emotions. At least from people who don't know him."

"What are you saying?" Jack cut in, tone suddenly offended. In truth he was horrified that he'd been found out.

Daniel waved his hand. "Get serious Jack. You're an open book to all of us. Always have been. But to total strangers - don't worry. Every last one of them thinks you're an ass."

"That's a relief," Jack said, and meant it.

"With Gelna on the brink of civil war," Daniel continued, trying to steer back to the whole point of the conversation, "he has to keep his cool. As we all know, he isn't very good at that. Since Jornan is a loose cannon, it makes sense that he would want to trade emotions with Jack. He could stay in better control of himself, and maybe some of Jack's leadership abilities and military knowledge would transfer over to him."

"But what about Jornan's attack on Major Carter?" Hammond interjected, hijacking the conversation back to its original purpose. Jack stiffened.

"Jornan is still Jornan, whether he has Jack's emotions or not. Maybe Jack's emotions acted as a catalyst."

Jack was indignant. "I would _never _hurt Sa...Carter. Jornan didn't get that from me."

"The violence, no. But he didn't seem much interested in Sam before The Joining. Afterward is when it started. So that tells me that you....." Daniel trailed off, realizing Hammond was still standing there. Jack looked away.

"Anyway," Daniel rushed on, "since Jornan attacked Sam, and that's not in Jack's character, he is also experiencing a combination of the two. What I'm trying to get at here is that you each now have some of the other's emotions and character traits in you, so that will influence you both to some degree. I'm going on theory here – we don't have much information."

Jack sat up on his bed. "Then we better go get some. I don't like my mind being screwed with."

"Before we make a return trip, we need to determine for sure why Jornan would want to do this," Hammond replied. "I can't have any more of my people put at risk."

"With all due respect, General," Daniel said, "I don't think we can find out anything more with_out_ returning to Gelna.

"I agree." Jack started to stand up.

"You're not going anywhere, Jack," Hammond said.

"Why not?"

"Why _not_? How about the fact that you attacked Dr. Jackson not three hours ago?"

"But that was –" Jack started to protest.

"Absolutely not," Hammond interrupted. "And that's final."

Jack opened his mouth to argue some more when he saw Sam approach the group. He caught her eye and smiled at her, but she looked away quickly. Avoiding his eyes from that point forward, she faced Hammond.

"General, Teal'c and Daniel and I will be able to go back and find out what happened."

"After what Jornan did? No way are you going back without me," Jack replied before he could stop himself. The thought of Sam going back there – even with Daniel and Teal'c, made him anxious.

"No!" Sam exclaimed, a little too loudly. "I mean," she backtracked, "it would be better if you didn't go." She had a strange look on her face that he couldn't quite decipher. He stared, trying to figure it out.

Hammond turned to the rest of SG1. "Be ready to leave in half an hour."

Daniel nodded. "Will do. And Jack, don't worry. We'll figure it out." He slapped Jack on the back before leaving the room, followed by the rest of the group. Sam seemed to be especially anxious to leave.

"Sam. Wait," Jack said.

She turned around, her face still unreadable. "Yes, Sir?"

What was up with her? She was almost as far away from him as she could be and still be in the same room.

"See if you can hold off for a couple hours – I can probably convince Hammond to let me go."

"Absolutely not."

"Why not?" he snapped back, anxiety increasing. "I don't want you to go. Not at all, but if you are, I need to be with you." He flinched inwardly. Jack hadn't intended to blurt that out.

"No." Her voice shook a little.

"Dammit!" Jack growled, hauling himself out of the bed.

He was shocked when Sam jumped back. Jack stopped and stared at her, still not sure what her problem was. Then, as recognition dawned, he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.

"Sam," he whispered in horror. "Are you _afraid_ of me?"

She looked like the wall was trying to suck her in. "No."

Jack felt sick, quelling a wave of nausea. "Liar."

Sam didn't respond. She just stared at him with wide, blue, fearful eyes. Jack couldn't bear to see it. He turned away from her, rubbing his temples. "Don't be afraid of me," he said hoarsely, back still to her. "I would rather you feel anything else in the world about me, just please, _please_ don't be afraid of me."

Silence answered him. Then a split second later he could feel her against his back, leaning her head on his shoulder. "Jack."

This was a powerful weapon, and she knew it. He turned around to face her, hurt evident in his face. "I'm sorry." His voice shook a little.

Sam's arms encircled his waist and leaned her head on his chest. "No. I'm sorry. I know you better than that."

Jack put his arms around her shoulders and pressed his forehead to hers. They stood there for several minutes when Jack finally spoke again. "Sam, about before. I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't handle it. I just..." How could he say it without saying it?

"Just what?"

Damn. "Just…I don't want anything to happen to you." He paused and looked even more uncomfortable. He stared at the floor. "I couldn't stand it."

Sam stared up at him. "You couldn't stand it?" She looked surprised - to say the least.

"I care about you...a lot more than I'm supposed to."

Sam closed her eyes briefly. Jack watched her face.

Without warning, Sam swiftly freed herself from his grasp. Jack was so startled he couldn't move, and Sam made it several feet away from him before she stopped. But she didn't turn around.

"Sam?"

"_Why are you doing this to me?"_ she sobbed, anguish think in her voice.

Jack was startled. "Sam, I don't think you understand - "

"You're right! I _don't_ understand. I don't understand why you're doing this now. I don't understand if this is you or _him_. And I don't understand what the hell I'm supposed to do with…with how I feel."

"How _do_ you feel?" he asked, barely above a whisper.

Sam shook her head, as if trying to clear her mind. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters a hell of a lot to me."

"You may really believe what you're feeling is real. But how do we know for sure you're not experiencing them as a side effect of The Joining?"

"It's _not_ a side effect."

"How do you know that?"

"I just do."

_"How?" _

"Because - " Jack leaned against his bed, his head swimming.

Now Sam's eyes were closed. They stood there in silence for a full minute, Jack very unsure of what to do. Tears slipped out from underneath her eyes and trailed down her cheeks.

"Oh God. Sam - " Jack stepped forward.

Sam stepped back. "Please -" she choked, stopping him dead in his tracks.

Jack had always regarded women as life's greatest and most grand of mysteries. For all his sarcasm and bravado, he always regarded women with reverence.

This did not, however, make it any less uncomfortable when they cried. The gene that could've assisted him had been removed from men's genetic code as some sort of cosmic joke. He was still desperately trying to figure out what to do when she spoke again, eyes still closed.

"Jack...You don't know - _you don't know_ - how hard it's been to try to move on." She sobbed. "I've been trying so hard not – not to – and I keep giving in – and I _hate_ it - " she broke off, her voice shaking too hard.

Moving on? In one sickening moment of clarity, he realized she meant moving on from _him_. Ice ran in his veins. He'd waited too long. Feeling dizzy, he stumbled forward and tried to regain his footing.

"Are you alright, Sir?"

Jack tried to see her through feverish eyes. "Dammit, Carter. If you can't call me Jack, at least don't call me Sir. You're not the only one who – "

The words died in his throat as his legs gave out on him. Then the fever hit him full force, and his vision clouded. It seemed as if his strength deserted him in an instant, and he couldn't hold himself up.

Small, strong arms caught him before he hit the floor. Through the haze he was vaguely aware that someone was trying to talk to him. A gentle hand rested on his forehead.

"You're hot," said the voice.

"Thank you."

"Smart ass," Sam replied, smiling in spite of herself. "I meant your temperature. How do you feel?"

Jack felt himself being pulled away. Sam's voice was getting harder and harder to hear. Blackness reached up and enveloped him. He tried to struggle away from it.

_I love you_, he thought, trying to form the words, and lost the fight with the blackness.


	8. Chapter 8

Sam looked at Jack's feverish form lying in the infirmary and was afraid. His condition had been steadily worsening for the better part of an hour. Janet, standing at Jack's side, met Sam's eyes, and the two women stared at each other, communicating almost telepathically.

Janet's expression told her all she needed to know. Sam turned on her heel and marched straight to Hammond's office.

If Hammond was surprised to see Sam, he didn't show it in the least. "Major," he nodded, as Sam sat in the chair across from him without waiting to be invited.

"Sir," she began. "I apologize for the interruption -"

Hammond held up his hand. "I know why you're here... And the answer is no. Not until we get more information on Col O'Neill's condition."

"But Sir -"

"Major," he said sternly, "I am aware of the Colonel's condition, and I know you want to help. But the situation is too precarious." The softness in his eyes tempered his words somewhat. "We can't risk something happening to you as well."

"But, Sir," she pressed, hearing the thin ice she was skating on cracking underneath her. "Returning to Gelna is the only way to get some answers."

"She may have a point, General," Daniel said as he sauntered into the room, Janet not far behind. Sam had never been so glad to see him.

Hammond ignored him and looked at Janet. "Any news, doctor?"

"His fever has been steadily increasing, and shows no signs of slowing down. His temperature is at 103 degrees already. He's moving in and out of consciousness, and I can find no physical explanation for it."

"None?"

"None, as in there is no organic cause for his illness. The best theory I can come up with is that Jack's physiology is too different from the Gelnans for the energy transfer to work properly."

"Is there any way to reverse this, doctor?"

"With no medical cause to account for his symptoms, no. The only thing that could help is going back to Gelna and getting more information on how these crystals work. That may help us find a way to reverse the process." Sam looked at her gratefully.

"General," Daniel said, "Maybe the Shelnars, the opposing faction, could help us."

"How? How do we even contact them?"

Daniel shrugged. "We'll think of something. I know it's not a palatable option to go back there, but I don't think we have much of a choice. If we don't take some sort of action..." He trailed off, afraid to see the horror on Sam's face his next words would've brought.

"I will escort Major Carter and Daniel Jackson and ensure their safety until we return," Teal'c said as he appeared in the room behind Daniel. "It is imperative we leave immediately."

Four pairs of eyes shifted expectantly toward Hammond. He groaned inwardly. But, their devotion to one another was one of the reasons SG1 was his flagship team.

He tried to look stern. "Major Carter. You will contact the SGC every two hours. And if there is the _slightest_ sign of danger, SG1 is to return immediately. _Immediately_. Do you understand?"

Hope lit up Sam's face, and Hammond suppressed an indulgent smile.

"Yes, Sir! Thank you Sir!" And Sam bolted from the room, followed quickly by her friends.

* * *

She had a few minutes before their departure, so she stole back into the infirmary to check in on Jack. It was unusually quiet and empty at the moment, which Sam was thankful for. The less curious eyes, the better.

Standing inside the curtain that separated them from the world, Sam approached Jack's bed. Sam's heart broke.

He was asleep, face flushed and feverish, fitful in his sleep. He looked so weak, and Sam could not stop herself from gently stroking his cheek. The second she touched his skin, he seemed to calm down noticeably. Jack sighed gently.

She didn't bother trying to fight the tears welling up in her eyes.

Until Jack woke up.

"Carter?" he said quizzically, hoarsely, and for the 2nd time she jerked her hand away from his face as if she'd been bitten.

"Sir?"

"Put your hand back." He squinted at her. "And don't cry for me. I'm going to be fine."

"I know, Sir." She gave him a brave smile. "I'll make sure of it." She stroked his cheek again.

"Oh yeah?" he said dreamily, leaning into her hand. "How do you figure?"

"Because I'm going back."

For as weak as Jack was, he exhibited surprising strength and dexterity when he instantly grabbed the hand that had been on his cheek. For a second he looked crazed. Sam realized it was fear.

"No Sam. _No_. Under _no circumstances_ are you to go back there."

It was a moment before Sam responded; she had seen her CO enraged, determined, sarcastic. Never once had she seen him afraid until this moment. "Sir. There's a very good chance the Shelnars have the other set of crystals. If I can convince - "

"NO!" Jack said, mustering up all his strength to yell his reply. His grip on her hand tightened.

"Sam. You don't understand. You don't know what's in his head. _You don't know_."

"Sir - "

"Jack," he insisted, looking pained.

"Jack," she started again.

"He's evil!" Jack started to look panicky. "I felt his emotions every time he looked at you. He'll hurt you if he gets half a chance. Please don't go!"

Tears welled up again in her eyes. She knew he was afraid - she could almost feel it. She briefly considered lying to him, telling him she would stay back. But that was futile, and she knew it. Jack would know she was lying. And even if he wouldn't have, she couldn't bring herself to tell him a lie. Even a merciful one.

"I know you're afraid, Jack," she said softly. "And I'm afraid too. But I'm even more afraid of something happening to you." She choked on a sob, resolutely meeting his eyes. "I can't lose you.... can't."

"Sam." He pulled her down toward him until they were face to face. "Please." His eyes, filled with fever and pleading, were almost more than Sam could take. She leaned forward and put her arms around him, holding him gently so she wouldn't hurt him in his weakened state.

Jack nuzzled his face into her neck and relaxed somewhat. "Promise me you won't go."

Sam squeezed her eyes shut and held him a bit tighter. She didn't respond.

"Sam."

Still no response. He pulled back from her and stared. "_Promise me you won't go._"

She met his eyes, not bothering to blink back her tears. "I'll be safe," she promised, seeing fresh panic in his eyes. "Daniel and Teal'c will be with me," she said in a rush. "You know they won't let anything happen to me. We have to do everything we can to help you."

"I don't give a _damn_ about myself!" he yelled, voice rising several decibels. "I only care about keeping you safe. Ever since you were injured on that other fucking planet -"

"What?" She couldn't follow.

"I wasn't able to protect you! I should've been able to protect you!" In one quick, swift movement, he managed to sit up and throw his arms around Sam in a vice grip. She struggled against it. "Sir - Jack -"

"No," he said calmly. "I'll be damned if I can't protect you now." His grip was more like a bear hug now. He pressed Sam's head onto his shoulder and relaxed, though his arms were still unyielding.

"It'll be okay now," he murmured. "I've got you. Now you're safe."

Janet appeared from out of nowhere. Sam met her with tearful eyes. Nodding understanding, she approached them and swiftly plunged the syringe she was holding into Jack's arm.

"What the hell are you doing?" he tensed up, fury in his voice.

"I'm sorry Sir, but you need to relax."

Jack looked at the both of them, betrayal flashing in his eyes. "Sam..."

Still in his arms, Sam stopped struggling and allowed him to hold her. "I'm sorry, Jack," she whispered, kissing his hot forehead. "I'm so sorry."

His eyes were already clouding over. "Please, Sam," he begged weakly. "Please don't go." Slowly, his grip loosened as he lost the fight against the sedative. Janet gave Sam a sympathetic look and quietly left the room, giving them some privacy.

"I'll be back. I promise."

"Stay. Please," Jack whispered, the drug taking him under.

Sam held him until he was asleep, then settled him gently back into the bed.

Sam kissed his forehead again. "I love you, Jack," she whispered, overcome with how much she loved this man. "I love you."

Saying it lifted a burden from Sam's heart. He couldn't hear her or understand her, but it was a comfort to say it nonetheless.

Sam walked slowly from the room, but was too far away to hear Jack whisper the same words back to her in his sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

_Sorry for the delay in this. I'm hoping to post each day until the conclusion. Thanks for all of the reviews. I appreciate it so much. Please let me know what you think of this chapter!_

Sam entered the gateroom minutes later, fighting back tears. Daniel and Teal'c waited there for her, geared up and ready to go. She felt them watching her.

Daniel. Damn him. He saw too much. The sympathy in his eyes made her feel better and worse at the same time. He met her halfway across the room and opened his arms. Without hesitation, Sam fell into his brotherly embrace, closing her eyes. He felt big and safe, and she knew she didn't have to say anything.

She held on a little longer than she normally would've, soaking up the extra comfort before their trip off-world.

"Thanks, Daniel," she whispered.

He smiled back in understanding. "Anytime. I'm worried about Jack too. Probably not in the same way, but worried anyway."

Teal'c nodded, expression serious, even for him. "I, too, am concerned."

She managed a brave smile for her two concerned friends as the Stargate engaged. "Let's go."

Walking up the gate ramp with Daniel and Teal'c on either side, Sam said, "Let me do the talking. I don't want to arouse any suspicion. We need to make them think we have no idea anything's wrong."

"Got it," Daniel agreed, and the three plunged into the event horizon.

The room looked completely normal as they emerged from the the Stargate. Why wouldn't it? For some reason Sam was expecting something more. But it was so ordinary.

Tanjin stood off to the side, looking very surprised. "Welcome," he managed, his voice shaking just a little. "What a nice surprise." _Nice _looked like the last thing Tanjin thought their visit was.

Sam smiled as if she didn't notice. "I hope we're not disturbing you by coming unannounced," she said. "But we've reviewed the situation with our superiors, and we're ready to begin negotiations, now that The Joining ceremony has been completed."

Tanjin's eyes darted nervously between the three of them, obviously looking for the one who wasn't there. "Where is Col O'Neill?" He tried to look tall. "It is unacceptable to negotiate with anyone but him."

Sam's smile didn't waver. "Of course. We are here to determine the rules of the negotiation. Col O'Neill's time is too valuable to be wasted on trivialities."

Tanjin stared straight at her, and Sam wasn't sure if the little worm believed her not. "I see," was all he said.

"Thank you," she replied. "You will take me to Jornan immediately." She gestured to her friends. "Daniel and Teal'c will go to the Gelnan Archives. They will be gathering additional information regarding negotiations. To ensure we don't violate Gelnan protocol, of course."

He merely nodded and gestured to Daniel and Teal'c. "Please. Make your way to the archives. I will join you after escorting Major Carter to Jornan's private study."

Teal'c stepped forward. "I will accompany Major Carter."

"No, Teal'c," Sam cut in. "Please assist Daniel." She knew that Teal'c was worried about her, but truth be told, Daniel needed his protection more than she did. Teal'c gave her his customary nod and wordlessly left with Daniel.

Half an hour later, Tanjin burst into the archives in a full panic.

* * *

Sam hid a grimace when Jornan gave her his trademark creepy smile. "Welcome back, Major Carter," he said, his voice like silk. Sam resisted the urge to shudder. "Please, be seated."

Then he joined her, sitting across from Sam at the little table. Tanjin left and reappeared, remarkably quickly, with two glasses. He set one before each of them, and wordlessly left. Jornan picked his up and sipped from it delicately. "Now, my dear," he purred. "How can I help you?"

"I've been sent to discuss the preliminaries of our negotiations," she said, taking a drink of her own to calm herself.

"Certainly," he replied easily. "But first, I presume Col O'Neill is well?"

Sam's expression was calm, but a deep red in her cheeks betrayed her.

Jornan raised his eyebrows. "O'Neill is not well?"

Sam didn't respond.

"No matter. I expected as much. Sensed it." He paused, drinking in the effect his words had. "So that's why I know you can't be here simply for negotiations."

Sam blinked, trying to clear her head. "Yes, we are," she argued feebly, shaking her head to clear it.

"No. I don't think so. While it's true I can only sense emotions and gain experience in the transfer, his emotions have been so disjointed that I could draw no other conclusion. Must be the crystals don't transfer energy correctly for your bodies." He patted his chest. "I, however, am perfectly fine."

Sam's vision blurred. She closed her eyes as the room started to spin, willing herself to snap out of it. Fighting back nausea, Sam took deep breaths.

It didn't help.

"Another thing I sensed," he continued, leaning in conspiratorially, "and this surprised me: the intense feelings he has for you." Jornan chuckled. "I must apologize for my earlier incident in the library. When the emotion from a counterpart is that intense, it's hard for the other to control. My feelings for my Pentaya ran almost as deep."

"Pentaya?" Sam slurred.

"My wife. My reason for being. At least she was. And now, my reason for revenge." He paused to watch her. "Feeling faint, Major?" He sounded amused.

Sam looked at her glass, realizing with sickening clarity that she had fallen into a trap. She tried to get up.

Faster than she expected, Jornan snapped up from his seat and shoved her back down to hers. She tried to move again, but her legs wouldn't obey.

Jornan's creepy, velvet voice jarred her. "Don't worry, it's not fatal. Not in the dose you took." He laughed again, softly. "This is working out better than I thought."

"Whaaaaa," Sam attempted.

"I loved two things: my planet, and my wife, Pentaya," he said softly. "One half of my planet betrayed me nearly three cycles ago. The _Shelnars_ –" he spat the word – "attempted to secede from my rule. The ringleader, Phin, claimed I was a tyrant. But really, he just wants my power. He wants to rule Gelna."

He stood up and walked across the room to shut the door. "I was at a loss as to how I could crush this faction. Then your SGC contacted me. At first I didn't care, until I realized O'Neill's military and tactical experience would be of great benefit to me."

"Whhhh," Sam drooled on herself, her head spinning. She was barely able to catch Jornan's next words.

"As for Pentaya, I loved her more than I thought possible. I truly believed that she would be enough for the rest of my life." He paused until Sam managed to look up at him through the haze. "And then she left. Betrayed me."

Sam continued to struggle futilely against her own body, willing it to move.

"And then all of the love I felt for her changed. She'd left me for Phin, and took the other set of crystals with her for his collection. Where I felt love, I now only want vengeance."

"Re…ver…sal –" Sam managed to choke out.

Jornan grinned, an innocent, happy expression – completely discongruous with their nearly one-sided discussion.

"Yes," he affirmed. "But that's not why I want them back. Thoughts of how to avenge this betrayal haunted me. Then it occurred to me: Phin is a collector. He most likely wanted just the crystals - infuriating me by taking my wfie was just an additional benefit. I didn't know how to get the justice I deserved. What in all of this planet, I had thought, would be more valuable to Phin than my crsytals? And then I remembered you." He chuckled softly. The low melody in his voice was chilling. Sam shivered in spite of herself.

"A woman from another world – miraculous that such a thing could exist. And a beautiful woman at that. And I knew, without a doubt, that he would want you for his collection. More than the crystals, more than Pentaya. So I offer you for a trade. Once he gets here, I can kill them both. We are much alike - we want what we want, and we don't care what it takes to get it."

Jornan looked at her, an evil, serene smile on his face. "He won't actually have you...but I will."

Sam felt as if a bucket of ice had been thrown on her. Cold terror enveloped her as he rose from his chair and advanced toward her slowly, his dark, small eyes glittering.

Sam willed herself to move as the full realization of what was going to happen dawned on her. She squeezed her eyes shut, internally screaming one word. _JACK._

Worlds away, Jack shot up from a dead sleep in the infirmary and screamed.


	10. Chapter 10

_"SAM!"_

Janet and three nurses were barely able to restrain Jack as he thrashed about violently, trying to free himself from their grasp. _"SAM!"_

"Colonel O'Neill!" Janet yelled sternly, trying to get him to look at her.

"Where is she? _I can't feel her_!"

"What?" Janet asked, wondering about his sanity.

"I have to get to the Stargate!" His eyes flashed feverishly as he tried to disentangle himself.

"Hold him down!" she commanded the nurses, who did their best to comply. Janet quickly retrieved a syringe from her supplies and stepped to Jack's side.

Readying the syringe, she felt a gentle hand on her forearm - not forcing the syringe away, just wanting her attention. Looking from his hand to his eyes, she felt a pang of pity for the man. Feverish, panicked, half-crazed. All these words would describe how he looked at that moment. "Janet," he whispered, his calm voice at odds with his horrified expression. "Please. Please. I have to get to her."

She briefly considered it, against her better judgment. She almost let him go.

Almost.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Trying to focus on the injection, and not the person, she administered the sedative.

He jerked away violently, and it stung Janet to see the betrayal on his face. Jack fought again, desperate, seeming to still have almost all of his strength. Janet gasped when Jack punched one of the nurses. The nurse lost his balance and fell, medical equipment clattering to the floor around him. Then Jack was halfway out of the bed, the two remaining nurses losing the battle. Shaking, Janet grabbed a second syringe.

"No! No!" a wide-eyed Jack yelled when he saw her advancing, holding his hands up. "I have to go! I have to get to her!"

The two nurses took advantage of his distraction. Holding him down, one of them nodded at Janet, who stepped forward and plunged the syringe into his arm.

Jack screamed in protest, an angry, primal sound, powerless under the force of his captors. His eyes stared at her with hatred. Janet removed the syringe and blinked back the beginnings of tears.

He still struggled, but this time lost the fight against the sedative. Jack's eyes slowly lost their light as it took effect. He reached out to Janet and grasped only air. Waving the nurses aside, she reached forward and gently grabbed his hand, which he angrily batted away, not having the strength for anything else. She settled him back down into the bed anyway. He struggled to keep his eyes open, and then finally lost the battle. Jack descended into an uneasy unconsciousness. He tossed and turned, murmuring Sam's name in a feverish panic. Janet watched him, confused and concerned.

She had given him twice the normal dose. With this amount in his system, he shouldn't be moving at all.

* * *

Teal'c had impeccable timing, Sam thought, barely coherent as she watched the large Jaffa lunge in Jornan's direction. In her haze, she felt herself being lifted, a voice near her ear. Daniel was murmuring comforting things to her as he gathered her into his arms. Sam struggled to speak, eyes fluttering. "Re..."

"It's okay, Sam," he said comfortingly. "We're getting you out of here."

She was powerless to help him, not even able to put her arm around his neck. He hoisted her into his arms, getting a solid grip on her. He smiled reassuringly. "Let's get outta here."

Daniel was halfway out of the room when the first blast hit him. In her periphery Sam could see Jornan had some sort of weapon. She panicked. "_Dannnn_!"

Daniel staggered, but didn't fall. Managing to get his feet to catch up with his body, he regained a shaky balance and continued toward the door. Jornan aimed again. Right before she squeezed her eyes shut, Sam saw a flash.

Daniel shook as he absorbed the blast, clenching his teeth as his legs gave out. He leaned Sam forward as he fell, so he managed not to land on her, but beside her. Daniel screamed, sounding almost primal, his voice distant.

No. Not Daniel. Sam blinked.

It was Teal'c.

Sam looked over to see Jornan take aim again, and Teal'c moving faster than she had ever seen. Daniel, who had turned his head just enough to watch the two men, scrambled to cover Sam with his wounded body. She strained to see.

"No, Sam," Daniel said gently, turning in front of her so she couldn't see. "Don't look." She heard a staff blast as she sank into comforting darkness.

* * *

Jack's mind was alone. He ascended painfully from the depths of his unconsciousness, aware that somehow Jornan wasn't there anymore. He reached out with his mind, cautious at first, then becoming more bold. Nothing.

At first he felt relief. There had been a pressure pushing into his skull that he didn't know was there until it was gone.

But why couldn't he sense Jornan? Panic quickened the rise to wakefulness. If he couldn't feel Jornan, he couldn't feel Sam. As his memory came back to him in pieces, he remembered begging Sam not to go back to Gelna.

Panic back full-force, he fought through the remaining layers of unconsciousness and squinted against the light behind his eyes. He moved his head slowly. With Jornan gone, his head had room to clear.

He tried to swallow but his mouth was too dry. He was desperately thirsty. And he still felt like he was burning. The fever had not abated yet, and he still felt somewhat confused. Where in the hell was she?

He had to tell her. He had to tell her what he'd been dancing around for the last of couple weeks. If it wasn't too late. Terror shot through him when he thought he might've lost his chance.

* * *

It didn't feel like more than an instant had passed, but it must've been longer than that. Sam blinked and took in the anxious faces of Janet, Teal'c, Hammond, and two faces she didn't recognize. Realizing she was back in the SGC infirmary, she was able to relax - somewhat.

Her eyes felt like they were scraping the inside of her sockets and she willed herself to look at the faces around her bed. One was missing. "Daniel?"

"Over here, Sam." He waved cheerfully from a bed a few feet away. He looked a little beat up, and he was bandaged all around his midsection, but he didn't seem too concerned about it. "Don't worry. I'm fine." Sam managed a smile, relieved.

Among her friends were two unfamiliar faces. She hadn't seen these people before.

Wait. Yes she had. At least the woman. Large, dark, doe eyes stared at Sam anxiously. Black hair cascaded down her back. Sam furrowed her brow and realized she was looking at the woman from the painting in Jornan's hall.

This was the much loved/much hated Pentaya.

She didn't recognize the man, but spotted Tanjin lurking in the background.

"What the hell?" she slurred accusatorily. Teal'c grinned widely.

She managed to point a shaky finger toward the little worm when Daniel cut in. "It's okay Sam. He's the one who brought us to you. He helped save all of us."

Sam stared at him doubtfully.

"No, really. He's on our side."

Sam looked at the other new face. This man could only be Phin, Sam thought, shaking her head in an attempt to clear the haze. They had been talking in low voices, and had fallen silent when Sam stirred. Her brain was fuzzy. "What?"

The new couple smiled and exchanged glances with her friends. Their faces were open, friendly. These were not the evil, horrid people she'd expected. Their soft expressions were concerned as they looked at her.

"I am so deeply sorry," Pentaya said to Sam, her voice lilting and musical. "We had no idea you'd be drawn into this." Her brown eyes were genuine.

Phin spoke. "We were convinced the plan was foolproof. We had no idea travelers would arrive."

Daniel smiled down at her reassuringly. "Sam, half of what Jornan told you was true - Pentaya was his wife, and she did take the other set of crystals to Phin. But everything else you've heard was either Jornan's suspicions or an outright lie."

Pentaya began to speak softly, musically. "Jornan and I married when I was very young. I was hand-picked from a group of girls who had been groomed to be his potential queen." She paused. "When I was first chosen, and for the first few years of our marriage, I thought I had been truly blessed."

Her face darkened. "But as time went on, I began to see a different side of my husband. When he wanted something that couldn't just be handed to him, he became evil and cruel. He was determined to get what he wanted at any cost: power, land...women." She looked down, and Sam was mystified as to why she looked ashamed.

"And when he came across the crystals, his depravity increased more than I thought possible." Her doe eyes filled with tears. "Once he realized their power, he used them as often as he had the chance. When he could read other's emotions, he could use it against them and manipulate them."

"That would explain Jack's odd behavior over the last few days," Hammond said, quite possibly making the understatement of the decade.

"It didn't work as well on him. Their physiologies were too different for the transfer to be fully effective. Also, Jornan wasn't quite as successful at controlling his own emotions this time. His intense anger over my leaving clouded that ability."

"Why did you finally decide to leave?" Sam asked, a little more understandable now.

"Several days before you first arrived on Gelna, I had had enough. He thought he found a Shelnar spy, and used the same set of crystals on him. He couldn't get the man to confess, so he used the knowledge he gained from the transfer to find his family and have them killed." She blinked, hard. "The transfer told him the man was innocent, but Jornan was so sure he had been right."

"I couldn't take it anymore - his cruelty toward myself and others." She looked gratefully at Phin. "I knew the Shelnars would help me, so I took a chance and ran. I realized I had to take the crystals with me. But in my haste, and grabbed the wrong pair." She blinked back tears, and Phin put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"What does the other pair do?" Daniel asked, fascinated with the artifacts in spite of himself.

"They reverse the process. I meant to leave those, hoping Jornan would reverse any transfers still in effect."

"Do you have them now? How can we use them to help Jack without Jornan?"

Teal'c's deep voice spoke for the first time. "Unfortunately I had no choice but to take Jornan's life. I believe that with him gone, the connection should be broken."

Pentaya nodded. "Indeed." Daniel suppressed a smile.

"We snuck back here to retrieve the original pair," Phin said, picking up the rest of the story. "Tanjin helped arrange our travel, and made us aware of Jornan's plan when we arrived a few hours ago."

"Tanjin?" Sam slurred incredulously. The little man smiled nervously.

Pentaya smiled at him. "He has helped us from the beginning. If not for him, I would never have been able to escape."

Daniel picked up the story. "Jornan realized he could use Jack's military experience to gain the upper hand in the war against the Shelnars and try to get Pentaya back - "

"I know," Sam murmured weakly. "He said as much before you came." She blinked. "How _did_ you know to come?"

"Well, we should've never left you alone in the first place," Daniel looked regretful. "But Tanjin came to us and told us he'd been forced to drug you."

Sam stared at the group, slowly digesting what she was hearing. "I need to see Jack."

"You should get some more rest first," Janet advised.

"No. _Now_."

* * *

Jack's sanity was cloudy at best when they finally wheeled Sam into his room at the infirmary. She was still too shaky to walk. Jack started to fight through the haze when he heard her soft voice.

"Sir?" She said, then "Jack?" when she heard him almost sob.

Relief coursed through him. "Sam," he rasped desperately, just as weak.

Janet had wheeled her bed right next to his. With all the strength he could muster, Jack managed to lunge toward her, wrap his arms around her waist, and pull her into his bed with him. She went willingly, exhausted and needing to be near him. Regs be damned.

She was able to lie on her side and rest her head on his shoulder. She gently nuzzled his neck as she wrapped her arms protectively around him, blinking back tears.

"I kept trying to find you...in my mind....and I couldn't anymore." Jack was almost crying but he didn't care. "I was so afraid. I need to tell you…"

"I know," she responded weakly, brokenly, stroking his cheek. He was still feverish. Worried, she tried to disentangle herself.

Jack immediately held her tighter. "Where are you going?"

"Your temperature is still too high. I don't want to make it worse."

His response was to gently push her head back to his shoulder. "You're not going anywhere."

It had been a half-hearted attempt anyway. Sam returned her hand to his cheek. "Try to sleep. I'm here now."

He kissed the top of her head and closed his eyes, able to rest peacefully now.


End file.
